I just realised
Theoretically
I'm 23 years old
However, so
I lied to everyone I'm only 22
Just coz my birthday hasnt passed

But

This is not the point

During dinner
My Mum asked if I knew something
I replied I didnt since no one told me anything about whatever the thing is that is gonna mention next
& Dad said that why does he have to tell me since I dont care at all
I threw the newspaper on the floor & said how the hell will I know if you never say?
Mum agreed with me & scolded Dad
So yes, please speak up

Grandaunt & granduncle fought
Grandaunt was badly injured
Grandaunt is 78 yrs old
Granduncle is 80+ yrs old

I was slightly surprised
But what is new?
They have not been in good terms since long
Since the time my granduncle had gotten himself a mistress
At age 70 plus

I started to think
Men

I have a lot of good guy friends
But sadly they're just friends
So good so that most of my other friends thought I have a boyfriend
How I wish
But then again
It might not be a good idea

I think I have gamophobia

I have a friend who is getting married
Showing off her engraved diamond ring on her nameless finger
& telling me how big her future house is
I have several friends who just got married
Envious
Have lovely husband with cute kids
I have several friends who got married
Given birth
Quarrel
& separated
I have friends who had married long ago
Looks loving
But wanting to divorce
I have friends who loves their wife still
But divorced

Seriously
I'm scared

My latest ex-bf & I used to talk about our marriage
How grand it shall be
Where we'll be having our honeymoon
How many kids to bear
What names to be given to our kids
& in the end
We broke up

I met a new guy
Started as nobody, gradually as friend
But it stopped suddenly for no reason
I donno why till now

& last night
Andrew & I were talking about marriage
Not between the two of us
But as a general topic
"Actually... I think I'll be a runaway bride when I'm to step into the aisle"
"Why? You dont wanna get married meh?"
"Not dont want... is dont dare"
"Why?"
"Lost faith in men"
"Dont"

I'm sorry but I did
Until someone can change my mindset

I'd seen enough of (my) failed relationships
I dont dare to risk whatever is ahead of me involving love
I'm very tired of being heart-broken

Seeing how my grandaunt & granduncle behave at this age
Further puzzles me

Marriage is just one weird pitstop in life