Met up with a friend last night for dinner & 'Memoirs of Geisha'
Nice dinner, nice movie
But some pondering points

- Why Sayuri has blue eyes when she's a Japanese? Her genes got mixed or what?
- Why is Sayuri known as watery by judging her eye color? If her eyes are red, then she's firey? Or black then she's shitty?
- If the movie is to be English, I think saying 'Gominasai' & 'Onesan' isnt too appropiate
- I thought Geisha is to sell arts, then why in the end must sell body?

OK
Post-movie ponders
Brains degenerating mah...

Well
I only got to know this new-old friend last year (very much an oxymoron)
But I only got to really talk to him last week
Weird heh?
But sometimes life is, anyway
& we were chatting during dinner
Until he asked this
"Why are you still living in the world of your own?"

I was stunned
I looked away for a second
Kept quiet
& replied
"I'm better now"

Funny
How come almost everyone seems to know me so well when we didnt really know each other?
& why when I myself feel so lost?
KC also said the same thing few days after we went diving together
Now this friend does so
Why?

Something wrong with me?

But somehow
I think I'm super lost
I thought of my past years
I cried before I slept
I just realised that
I'm tired
Of everything
I sometimes have foolish thoughts of you-know-what
But I always wake up mini-seconds before it happens
Then again
It reminded me of the scar I used to crave deliberately on my arm 10 years ago
However, faded & gone
& I sorta wanted it back somehow
Until I watched Tab TV about self-manipulation last last week
I wonder if i'm schizophrenic

It may probably answer why I scare guys away
Leaving with only good, mixable friends
Which in turn angered my previous boy
I guess
Coz we were so close & enjoying fun to/with one another

Dad ever said
"Your temper so bad, next time no one marry you"
I replied
"Good loh"

Now something seems to be fulfilling
*slaps big mouth*

But maybe
It isnt about temper
It's the mind-control that deters reaction

I think my grey matter has degraded

I like to talk to people
Just talk & talk & talk
Even if things dont bother anyone
Then one of my friends said
"I think you need a lot of attention...& this pressurised him"

I kept quiet
Why again?
Why never have I notice such?
Could it be my inner me who is destroying myself now?
Self-destruction?

I couldnt stop thinking
But to think
& think
& think
& think...

I think I shall just think to death one day
I dont call simple mind complicated thoughts for nothing