The so called 'Tian Shen Wo Cai Bi You Yong' phrase is so wrong
It's starting to make me lose myself

I once read an article about this guy
Who graduated from his Major
But was not able to get a related job
Worked in another industrial field
Not as happy as he expects
Keep looking for another
Got rejected due to no experience
He sank into depression
And almost lost his mind

I think I'm beginning to be like him

I met up with my old classmate this morning
She brought me to her mariculture farm
Looks like she's enjoying her work there
Feeding fishes, breeding corals
She also mentioned another friend of ours
Who's working for in an animal concern group

I had a deep sigh in my heart

They have a job of their passion

But why not me?

I've got everything!
A driving licenses to get me round the land by wheels to get specimens and whatever
A diving licenses to get me underwater for specimens or surveys or researches
A First Aid Certification to keep people alive in case of emergency
A Bachelor degree that specifies my field when it's now a big concern about environmental impacts

I dont think I'm being ambitious
Because all I've gotten above is not what I'd expected for the future
It just came gradually as I would wanna venture into this path

Seems wrong

DarDar told me real-life stories like Bill Gates
He didnt have any IT qualification
And a school drop-out like him is so successful now

My reply to him was
"That's why I'm such a failure coz I've got my degree"

I could sense DarDar's virtual slap on my face

I'm sorry
I just cant take it anymore
And of coz I understand I cant go on thinking about all this sad facts
But I think I'd become the boy mentioned above

I am depressed

I hope a short getaway can loosen my thoughts

Please, bring me out somewhere

What the fuck?

Yesterday was so sunny & hot
That the very moment I stepped out of the car at Bottle Tree Village
I almost felt I melted
& I told myself that I'll swim 20 laps to shield the excessive float around my waist

But now?
The sky looks so grey
In fact
It drizzled

Kanasai

It seems like the weather is also 'working'
Monday to Friday pour
Saturday & Sunday shine

Nothing much happened yesterday
Just the urge to go out somewhere
So we went to Bottle Tree Village at Sembawang

Fuck la
Thought very nice
But it's just only 3 trees of such species
& a very big empty restaurant which only operates at evening

So we went to Sembawang Park
Loaded with people
Swimming, BBQ-ing, fishing

Intolerant about the heat
We headed to Causeway Point
Nothing much to shop
Had Sakae Sushi for dinner
& off to work I went

Dean & DarDar came look for me for supper after my clinic work
Headed to Farmmart
OH gosh
Ordered Lala & Sotong
Damn yummy

Now I crave for tze-cha
Must find one day eat nice food

It's 9plus in the morning
I am early
Reflex action for the past 1.5 years
Indeed a bit hard to knock habit off

BUt it's ok
I made breakfast for DarDar just now
Heehee

Guess I'm back to sleep in 10mins time =)

I wonder how
I wonder why
I wonder why everyone says I'm friendly except my stupid shitty boss

Anyway
It's so over
It's so long long time ago
So heck the company
& let it go & die

*pui*

Like I'd said
I dont believe I didnt do well
That's why I fought for my existence
But the limit to it is
Never stay too long to fight for something that will never occur
Take an alternative and start all over again

That's why I'm here

Emo Friday

Last day at work
Yet it was full of sadness
Rather than anger

Called it impulsive?
Guess not either

My department people are not aware of me leaving
Bet my Farewell email had shocked each of them

My team mates, dept people and Director gave me a farewell gift
I was caught by surprise
Yet with uproaring emotions

Nearing the end of the day
I broke down in tears

Not the regretful type
But the I'm-so-gonna-miss-you-guys tears

Sigh

If only my effort was being recognised

Anyway
It's all over

My new life starts again
Wish me luck

Alice had a pack of keropok fresh from Terrenganu
& I wanted a small portion of it
So I went to her house to collect it
at 10pm

DarDar drove me over
& then suddenly
My Honda Civic broke down

.................................

It seems that the alternater (or whatever you call it) broke down
Couldnt start at all
So I called Er ge down for assistance

Er Ge came within 10 minutes
Reversed his car to face our car so he could connect his battery to our battery via the 'kiap kiap'
Traffic was abit heavy
& it was pretty much a challenge

After testing
Er Ge confirmed that Honda Civic is dead
Need to tow

As we were talking about it
A Mitsubishi Lancer stopped behind us
DarDar & I thought 'Kaoz, which idiot also have his car spoilt?'
Then we realised it's Jack

Haha
Car broke down also got supporter

Er Ge then left since there's nothing much he could do
But thanks alot for coming for assistance

While we waited for the tow service
Dean came
Our next supporter
& we chatted till the tow came

After that
Dean drove us to NUS where he needed to fetch his workers home
& we had a short drink
We chatted alot of ghostly stories
Until my hair all stood up

It was around 230am we reached home

& today
I never go work
Fever

Dr Chow offered me 2 days MC but I could only take one
Tomorrow must rush work

Sigh
Why before I leave must do so many shits?

Entering the last week of work
& it sucks!

Alot of things to work on
& alot of things that I've been working on that I dont bear losing them

BUT

I cant take it anymore

The more I do, the blur-er I get
The more I do, the more it doesnt make sense
The more I do, the more stupid I find myself have been

The End

A colleague gave me a farewell gift
It's a handphone chain she got from Japan
With sparkling cat's eye stones

I was kinda touched

I only liased with her for several times
& she told me she felt sad that I'm going

Sigh
Everyone tells me that

Too bad you are all not my boss

Boring

It's Sunday
DarDar abandoned me behind while I was still sleeping to go fishing
AGAIN

I cant imagine when we get married
Appears to be those typical housewife alone at home

Good thing is
Other than cleaning the whole damn house
Which I will never do
I'm surfing the net

But bloody shit
I always surf net whether I'm at home or not

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzz

Sky's turning grey
Kinda anticipating the rain

When it rains
DarDar cant fish
So he'll come home
Wooohoooo

I'm evil

But who cares

One more week of work before I officially retire from 'hell'

With my new boss implementing work processes & procedures
All of us are in a clearer picture that our BIG boss is incompetent
It's all about quantity but no quality
Even if there's quality
It takes several long steps instead of immediate step for completion

My colleagues are complaining likewise
YEahhhhhhhhhhh

I'm smart
^^
Smart enough to see what's up her sleeve before I falls into her Black-widow trap

I'm craving for seafood
Wanna go Malaysia for a feast, anyone?

I dont remember what I wanted to blog about

Ermm...

I'm fearing the way how DarDar drives

Everytime I drive he screams at me
That's coz I am too near the car in front
Or other only he-can-think reasons

When he drives at 80km/hr on small road
Honks people when he is impatient
Accelerate at bends
I kept quiet

Until I couldnt take it anymore

I told him off coz he's risking my life together with him
Yes, marriage vows say till death do us part
But not accidental death

This evening
We wanted to head to town for dinner
But the road was very congested
& so cars were sipping through available gaps in next lane

Apparently
DarDar is starting off
& the car next to us did not signal as he overtook our lane & to the side
So we were like so close to kissing his CRV ass

DarDar honked him
& winded down the window & asked him why he didnt signal
The man was angry and replied 'Why people can overtake I cant overtake?'

Which I think he's not answering the question properly
& he starting scolding DarDar saying he doesnt know how to drive
The bitch beside him was screaming 'Donno how to drive just shut up'

I told DarDar just shut it up
Firstly I didnt wanna start an arguement after work
Secondly we dont gain anything but anger

When the green light turned
DarDar sped in front & overtook him

& then
The CRV hit us on the right!!!!

CHAO CHEE BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
CHEEBYE MIDDLE AGE MAN SO SMALL GAS
MUST BE THAT CHEEBYE BITCH
HE THINK HIS BUMPER RUBBED US NOTHING HAPPEN AH?
I CAN REPORT YOU HIT & RUN LOH!
CHAO CHEE BYE
YOU BULLY MY HONDA CIVIC!
I NEVER LET YOU KISS MY ASS CONSIDER I GENEROUS LIAO
THINK YOU CRV BIG MEANS REALLY BIG AH?
SMALL GAS PEOPLE DRIVING BIG CAR = DWARF WEARING KING'S CLOTHES

I was petrified and angry at the same time
Petrified coz this is my 1st time engaging an arguement
and we are amatuer drivers that wouldnt be able to win should we fight
Angry coz he hit my civic with childish behaviour

HELLO!!!!
50 years old guy come play bumper car on Singapore Road
You think everyone's blind on a congested road in town?

Luckily
My civic only suffered superficial abrasion & bruises
Which can be recovered using Turtle Wax

As for him
I got down his plate number

I'm sorry Mr Chao Chee Bye
You're not gonna make your way back to Singapore from Malaysia with your CRV
You may try selling your bitch to some corrupted mata
Probably they can just return you your steering wheel

Kinda spoil my Thursday night

I'd told DarDar to drive safely
And reminded him to give way at all times even if the person is wrong
Honks should only be used in case of emergency warning

I hope those gets into his brains

Otherwise
I think I'll just stick to my yellow bendy Mercedes

Bitch

Tell me I'm not helping you enough
When it's beyond my control
Of course that's the most I could do
Why insist I do something that is way beyond my control & I cant change the history?!

Fuck lah!
You got no mouth to talk to me ah?
Always ask your man to talk to me
Is it you who want the job or your husband wants it?
Remember the last sentence you said before you left?

'I'm not very desperate about not getting the job'

Yah right
Why is your man calling me so often?

I offered my suggestion to help you
I did not force you to do things you're not comfortable with
Why did you said I persuaded you to do things you are not comfortable with?

THIS IS A TOTAL FUCKED UP BULLSHIT!

Good thing I'm leaving
Stupid bloody bitch

It's been long I last visit my Dept
So I popped over this afternoon

When I was there
Everyone was so happy to see me
& I chatted with them
Then
the HOD came
"Cynthia... when is your last day?"
Everyone was shocked
& asked me why am I leaving, when is it, what I'll be doing, etc
Asked me to stay... dont go

Hah

& then one of the staffs cried

*gasps*

I found my job meaningful
But it's not appreciative
The effort provided to the Dept was greatly appreciated
But the appreciation is not recognised

What's the point?

But at least
I'm glad that I'd left deep impact to my very 1st batch of people I knew
From strangers to friends

If the working environment isnt that bad
If the boss isnt that sacarstic
If my work is appreciative
I would consider staying

But too bad
It's too late

I'm planning an overseas trip
Either to Phuket or Langkawi
Price is almost the same
Maybe a +/- SGD$50

But

DarDar doesnt feel easy going Phuket
Coz he scares got tsunami
I also abit scared
But I think lightning wont strike twice at same place

I went Langkawi before
But DarDar didnt
The island is so sparsely developed that it sorta feels like Batam
Only that they understand my broken Melayu

I donno which to decide
DarDar says 'up to you loh'
When he says that
I also sian
Coz I also cant decide when it comes to travel

=|

*picks Koko shits*
Langkawi? Phuket? Langkawi? Phuket?

Ah
Feels good resting at home
Heck care about office stuffs

Yesterday spoke to one of the colleagues from another department
He said:"Goodness, can you just switch off your phone after office hours?"
Hahaha
I requested him to call me after office hours but he's so kind to tell me that I shouldnt be working beyond 6

Oh well

Then
I broke the news to him
He went silent for several seconds
& asked
"You serious?"

Geez
He's shocked that I'm leaving
Kept asking me why why why
Said he appreciated my work, want me stay

But too bad
You're not my boss

So anything
Having a break today isnt that bad too
I can do whatever I want

Went for an interview this morning
One of the most interesting interviews I'd ever gone

Or probably coz it's been long I've ever attended one

Oh nevermind
Had a good morning spent with DarDar

I really feel better
I think i'd made a right choice

Too bad Damien didnt informed me earlier about this weekend's dive
If not, I'll be there

Sigh....

DarDar & I quarrelled on the day when Singapore grew one year older
For the first time

& it's all about the car

DarDar kept complaining that I drove very reckless
Donno how to control the car
Donno when to brake
Donno whatever-procedures-you-can-think-of-when-diving

I was damn pissed off

I haven been driving for the past 1 year after I'd gotten my license
& when I do
It's only of a mere 1km distance

Now
Having a car truly to us 24/7
I then get the chance to step on the pedals

DarDar drove most of the time
Outta 10 trips, he drove 8
Of coz I am not able to catch up with my long-lost skills
& there he goes
Confusing me with his way of driving
& scolding me of my way of driving

Why am I not trusted of the way I do things?

Is it really true that men think women cant drive?

I was damn fucking frustrated

On the way to Tampines IKEA
A Mugeno wanted to come out of the exit
Stopping behind the white STOP line

I stopped in front of it at the junction
As there are cars lining up to make the corner turn
The Mugeno horned me

"Knn.. horn what sia.."
"You're blocking her"
"Block what? There's no fucking yellow box! There're cars in front! Is it my fault?"

Oh tell me all my theories I'd learnt are wrong
Tell me all my driving skills are wrong
Tell me everything I do is wrong

I felt inferior again
Fought myself hard not to think of all that had happened since I graduated

It seems to me that since then
I have never been successful in everything I do

Spend so much money
Waste so much time
Succeeded nothing

& further pops a question from the penile homosapiens
'I wonder how you got your driving license'

yah
& I wondered how you could NOT get your license at one go

I did

& when I dont drive
I read the map
He dont understand my directions
& can question
"You know how to read map or not?"

I feel like slapping him with the Street Directory
I got A1 for my Geography
People call me 'Human GPS'
& again
I'm not trusted

So even if we get lost
There's always a way

Yesterday we went to Toa Payoh
Both of us had no idea about that neighbourhood
Missed the junction
Made 3 U-turns before reaching

I told him there's no need to U-turn
Coz in front got a cut-through route to the destination
& you think he cares?

Another U-turn

Whatever

Both of us were very sad after the quarel
I asked him one question on the bed
"Dont you feel happier if we're still riding on the bus?"

He broke down to cry

Do you know that I can get pissed off when...
- I dont get the things I want?
- things that doesnt come to me involves (alot of) money?

I am so pissed that I can strangle an elephant

I lost the company phone during my dive trip last July
So I had to replace it
Unfortunately
It's outta production
So it's rare in the market
I had to buy it online

Won the phone in the auction
DarDar negotiated
Deal made
Payment transferred
Never see the phone

Called to enquire
Said already mailed
But still no sight

Tell me
Do you...
1) feel cheated?
2) feel stupid?
3) feel it's wasting my time?
4) wanna kill that asshole?

ALL OF THE ABOVE!!

I demanded for the phone number of that guy
DarDar refused to give me
So I went to search for it in the auction
Found & SMSed him
He better replies
Or I'm going to teach him about honesty

I'm now serving my month's notice
I must die die get the phone before I left
Thus the urgency
& this CHAOCHEEBYELANJIAO is eating my money, wasting my time

Never ate lao niang's fist before never know how death feels like

I'm giving him 2 more days...

My fist needs to warm up 48 hours in advance

I finally completed my Basic Medical Terminology Course
Gotten a certificate
Wooohhoooo

Now I can spurt out all those chim chim words
For example:
"Wah lao...tell you so many times liao you still donno, I can get hematemesis leh.."

Meaning:
I can vomit blood

*grins*

Oh all aside
I was down with fever
& now still abit
I'm looking forward to National Day
I can rest
& also earn a public holiday during my notice period

Yes
I am tendering
Tomorrow
8 August
Huat huat!

Auspicious day mah!
^^

Just now drove back home in my black Honda Civic with blue eyes
I called it 'Lambodini' (named after my friend Dean)
Took 15mins
So far so good
No kana horned
But I dashed red light
BWHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA
& also did the most daring stunts that even my DarDar hasnt succeed me
I did a 2 seconds wheel spin

.............

Actually I couldnt get my biting point
So wheel-spun on the spot
& luckily didnt stall
So I pretended to 'demo' to whoever saw it

BWHAHAHAHAHA

Knn wanna die liao still so wanna save face

Buay sai
I must practise my driving
My Lambodini is waiting for me

I saw a hawkbill turtle 4 times at Labrador Park today!
KNN
FOUR TIMES OK!!
I'd never seen so much during my dive trips!

Initially one of the anglers were pulling his line damn hard
Then it snapped off
& suddenly
I saw a brown mass surfacing to the surface
I pointed out to Dean
& both of us were so excited about it
DarDar was shitting, so he missed it
Hahaha
Minutes later
The turtle came up again for an additional 3 times
WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I wonder where it came from

Got one xiao didi came to talk to DarDar
So cute
Looking from the back
It seems like father & son talking baout fishing
=p

Got 2 fishes!
A wrasse & a juvenile half-beak(?)



Threw the wrasse back
But kept the half-beak
Wahahaha

Not a bad day today at Labrador
Other than on the way
Kana scolded by DarDar coz he said I freaked him out when I drove
Knn
Orbi
Lao niang pass TP one time nia
You have to take three times loh
Slap you

Dad needs to return HK next next week
Grandaunt's feeling very weak
She's having illusion of her dying
Getting more & more paranoid

Cant blame her
I guess I'll be like that too when I'm old, weak & ugly

I'm hesitating to return HK
To get some nice cheap ROM dresses
But DarDar couldnt make it back with me

Sigh
See how lah

I hope she'll be fine

I managed to reach home 'early' so I could ask if Mum wanna go Batam shopping on National Day
But then Mum was busy talking on the phone with Aunt
Sounding all so worried & surprised, at the same time

Dad started shouting at her & my Aunt
Non stop

I hate it when my Dad starts shouting
Because it's all nonsense with no filters

Same old issue

I tried to peace him down with examples
& He kept on saying he wont care
& let my Mum settle it all

I asked:"Is this the way you love Mum?"
He kept silent
Then responded:"I'd already told her to stop helping. One day she'll be dragged down"
"So you would wanna see her being dragged down alone by not helping her together?"
He kept silent again
& responded:"This is her family's issue. The [my surname]s should stay away"
"& let the [Mum's surname]s to suffer herself?"
"No... but we cant poke into other people's matter. When people turned around & asked you why do you care, how?"
"Are you afraid? Mum's married to you so you should help. Does that mean that when I'm married to the [DarDar's surname]s I could least care about you?"

Silence
With soft sobs coming from my left
Where Dad's standing at the door,with face pressed on his stretched arm

"Mum, why dont you talk to Uncle first before you transfer any money over? Somehow I believe that Uncle still cares about his daughter. Needless to say he should be grateful to his sister who has been helping his daughter all the while until she couldnt take it anymore. Tell me which asshole doesnt love his daughter & his sister? If no one dares to tell him, I will do it. I dont believe everyone's so heartless...."

Mum thought for a while

"I dont believe that Big Cousin doesnt have the money. He could spend a million decorating his house, keeping 2 arowanas & an ugly Pursian. $4k is not alot"

"YAH LAH, That's what I'm angry about. He's so rich & still must ask us for money"

"Hello... did you say a shit about it? You kept shouting about nothing like this"

"Ok ok... come, gimme your bankbook.. I go transfer the money tomorrow"

"Why? Why are you now giving in to transfer the money? If this is your final decision, why start arguing in the first place? Very fun isit? Everytime I come home you're asleep. Now wanna talk to you guys always argue!"

Silence

"It's getting late... go sleep.. your DarDar is waiting for you"

"Just dont transfer anything till I grab Uncle's phone number... then we'll see how it goes..."

Mum hugged & kissed me
For the 1st time I could remember over the 24 years

My eye blood vessels burst wor!
So power

Must be the radiation from my stupid office computer

Oh yes
Time for MC again =D

Damn Qi Gek...
Some people just dont understand confidentiality
Make my life difficult...