Weird

I'd already been eating much lesser than I usually do
& been eating healthier food
But I'm fatter than before!!!!!

Instead
For the past week then I had been munching on unhealthy snacks such as McDonalds & OCK curry puffs
I'd slimmed down!!!

So what do I have to do now?
Eat healthy or unhealthy!?!?!?!?!?!

I only have 1 more month to go lo
This is really pissing me off

How how how?
Do I have to be anorexia to slim??

>_< >_< >_<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Billy Corgan is selling his guitar!!

But damn
It's USD$3550+

I wonder if anyone really bids for it

Suddenly thought of listening to their songs

Ah
The mood is here again

Sigh

I invited one of my good friends, si bei si bei good that kinda
to my wedding dinner
But he isnt coming due to personal reason

Initially
I suspected it
Now I know the real reason
I'm pretty sad

But since he'd made that decision
I shall respect it too

He's been to another friend's wedding
So it's not wedding dinner that he doesnt like
& I guess he just doesnt wish to meet someone during my dinner too

Kinda selfish, one may think
But that's just him

But obviously
I still hope he change his mind
& be there

Diet plan failed today
Let's see tomorrow

Jia lat
For the whole week that I was trying to slim down
Today's trip back JB spoilt everything

We had sushi buffet for lunch with Lionel & friend
Then went to JUSCO walk walk
Bought macha ice cream
Then went home for dinner
Skipped rice but had soup with yong tau foo
Went out shopping with mummy-in-law
Dardar bought bubble tea
I stole several sips & pearls
Back home again
Drank the dang gui soup that my mummy-in-law made
Then Dardar's auntie came in
Had 扣肉包 & 三楼米粉for supper

OH MY GOD!!!!!!

I just weighed
2kg gained

...........................................................

I'm so gonna stick back to my diet plans
Seriously

I just bought a tin of Ensure as my diet replacement

This time
I (hope) am determined

;p

I had a good night with the girls yesterday
We had Beppu ramen for dinner
Beppu Ramen is famous for their spicy hot base that has 1 to 11 chilli scales
I hesitated on the 4-chilli-scaled soup base
Coz my tummy wasnt feeling normal
& had stomach churns during the day
Due to the chilli sauce (Sabah made chilli + Tabasco Habanero sauce) I had together with my nuggets at home
So in the end, I just stuck with 2-chilli-scaled
& back home
The ramen's soup taste still lingered in my mouth
& I was craving for some spicy food just before bedtime
Kinda regretted not going with my choice
The shiok feeling isnt there!!!

sigh

Heard that eating chilli can make one slim down
coz it can spice up metabolism rate

RUBBISH la
Been eating for so many years
Still as bulky since 4 years ago when I met DarDar

Hmm...
I think the cause was DarDar instead

Heading back JB tomorrow
Gonna have sushi buffet with friends =)
I'm gonna whack all the sashimi!!

I'm so impressed with this China singer
She made her way into the US market
Being the 1st Chinese singer in iTunes

Her songs are soothing
& the lyrics are Tibetan chants
Her MTVs are also Tibetan
One just feels relaxed after listening to it

Just so extraordinary!

The field trips with the students over the weekend was fabulous
We saw pretty much organisms including crocodiles & otters
& that was my first time seeing otters too!

Weather nowadays is very sucky
One day rainy, one day sunny
& the newspapers reported 2X increase in patients complaining about respiratory problems
Luckily
I wasnt one of those
I've had enough medicine to take since last month
In fact
I've never taken medicine so much for so long ever

I just finished my report that is needed for my renewal of scholarship
Rush work
Although messy but at least I still manage to finish before deadline
So that leaves me several more days to tidy things up

March is ending soon
What have I achieved?

May is coming soon
Am I ready for the new beginning?

Time will tell

The guilt killed me badly that night
It led to series of unnecessary hallucinations
& I cried real badly as the recent history flashed back

DarDar even scolded me for being nonsensical initially
But he hugged me & consoled me after a while

It wasnt a simple task to forget that painful episode
To compare
I was the one who suffered more than him
Physically, emotionally & mentally
So DarDar has no right to get pissed off at me
Nor to scold me at all

Although I look cheerful & strong
It is just the surface
Please do not leave me alone
Because I will start this all over again
It has been self-proven

I do not know when this mind-torture will end
I hope soon
In fact
The sooner the better
I want to replace what had been lost
& I will make it happen to complete the cycle

Be it acceptable or not
I dont care
My life
My control
I will make sure everything will turn out right, even if it doesnt

So far
I'm handling things pretty well
Shouldnt be much of a problem, I'd say
All I need will just be support

& thank you in advance

I feel guilty
I did something which I wasnt supposed to do
which I'd been told not to do so earlier

But I did this out of frustration

Right now
I fear that what I did will lead to further aggravation
Involving people that are not supposed to involve
Allowing them to hate me
Seeing me as the bad guy

I hope nothing has occurred at all
So let it just stays there

At the same time
I'm feeling inferior

I dont know why
Probably
I'm jealous?
I dont feel strong anymore?

This is so unlike me

I wonder why
Seriously
I've been thinking and reflecting all this while
It is affecting my concentration in my work

I guess I need some good listening ears
I'm already very loaded with unnecessary stresses coming from two families
Just hope to ease some off

Could anyone save me, please?

I had a really bad evening yesterday
after saying how good life can be if one relax

I met my bro at evening
to pass him a gear that he needs for his training course
& stayed back to have dinner with him

I thought it's a precious moment of us sitting together & chat
but it didnt turn out the way I wanted

Bro kept complaining how sucky NS is
Not because it's torturing him physically
He complaint that the time is wasted on doing this service & making him lose the amount of money that he could probably earn while working
I explained to him that money isnt about everything
& he then blamed dad for bringing us over to SG
& said how good it will be if we're still in HK
so he can at least now do his Uni
& work soon

I then asked if he'd taken leave for my wedding
He said his boss wont approve
Puzzled, i asked again
He got agitated
& said he asked but his boss didnt approve
So I told him, I too asked a very simple question
If he had asked his boss - answer: yes or no
He didnt answer to either yes or no
So how would I know & why does he assume that his boss rejected his application?
I again explained to my bro the simple logic of answering a simple question

He then started to blame me
Why am I holding my wedding on a Monday
When he has to go camp
& that all the chore just to take a leave
& that he has to return camp at night
Couldnt attend the banquet
He might as well dont take
He then blamed me for the cause of having to do my wedding in May
Instead of next year, which he would be ORD by then

I was sad

From the chat
It was all about him

I'd expect him to do something worth for me
His only sister
like making things impossible possible

My heart really sank
& i had tears in my eyes

He saw it
Instead of saying sorry about how hurt those words are
He chased me off & told me to go backk home to cry

Totally fucked up

I wish I could beat him to wake up his fucking damn stubborn mind
There are things unexplained & unplanned
But we just have to accept & see to it
Let it go & move on

He's only 5 yrs younger than me
But that doesnt mean he is still young to understand

All he does was to collect all those bad memories
& pour grudges onto them
Hating them for life
& blaming others for it
When in the first place
He is the one who cant accept & let go to live a better life

Seriously
My heart sank
For the whole night
Couldnt sleep till 4am

DarDar dumped me alone to go fishing
That added to the madness

I hope my actual wedding day isnt gonna be screwed by any of those insensitive people
I am already very stressed & pissed by some
I hope it can be a happy occasion
For everyone

Please, grant my wish

Had finally completed my draft report
Took me roughly 4 days to complete a chapter of 40 pages
Slept at 3am
Felt good the next day coz the load was off!

But strangely
I felt that I didnt make a great achievement

I still felt something is missing
& I declare day-off today to find out

I woke up early to go to the clinic to retrieve my report & medicine
Headed for brunch with DarDar
Went back to neighbourhood to buy groceries
Prepared food for dinner
Swept the floow
Fed the 2 rascals
Fed my 3 fishes
Planted Kailan at corridor
Watered the plants
Packed Bro's army duffel bag
& drank a cup of Teh

I also observed the rascals in their new house that DarDar made
& looked at how funny my sick Siamese fish with bloated belly is when it tries to swim thrice harder just to move its weight

Ahhhh...
Although still abit hectic in the early morning
It's enjoyable to relax the rest of the day
& I believe this is the real life we're all talking about

My friends had lately been talking about how stressed their works are
I agreed without hesitation
They were complaining about the fact that, what's the purpose of doing so much work?
It's not about money
It's about the time
Time lost to work that could be used to spend with family & friends

One of my friends even said this in her FB status
"Family and friends are important in life. Never neglect them just because of work. Because if you do, when you leave this world, noone will remember who you really are and work will not come visit your grave and weep for you...'

I find this rather true
Have you seen papers & pens walking to funerals in tears?

I guess time management is really very important

I hope you guys loosen up too
& spend more time for yourself
& stay happy always =)

I'm glad that I'm finally seated & typing my procrastinated report
Which is due on 1st April
But because I have to allow my Prof to proof-read
Which means that my personal deadline is nearer than it should be
*SCREAMS*

But luckily
I'm already at my Discussion
& I've already know what I should be explaining
So I just need a gush of brain juice
& hopefully to finish by tomorrow
=)

I have a pretty good day today
Woke up at around 930am this morning
Getting ready to go to clinic
& then I was notified that the doctor is on leave
& had to change my appointment to Tuesday

Taiwan Express Mail delivery boy called
Told us that he's on his way to deliver our wedding photos
So in the end
We stayed home

As soon as we received our photos
Seh Chin jio-ed us for breakfast
Feeling abit deprived of dim sum
I suggested going Dragon Gate at HarbourFront
& we ate from 1130am to 2pm!!!
Yum yum

Back home
Continued with my report
& now writing this entry

It's a wonderful Saturday

Geez
Went school without realising I'd left my wallet in DarDar's bag last night
& had no breakfast
Stomach kept growling during the meeting
Embarrassed to max

Without wallet means without lab pass
I was locked out of lab leaving my teaching materials inside
Luckily
I bumped into Prof
Let her know
& I have an extra one
& a $5 note from the secretary for lunch

Thank goodness

Next time
For plenty of times I told myself

DO NOT PACK BAG 10 MINUTES BEFORE LEAVING THE HOUSE

& the day I'd wondered about being locked out with no money had finally arrived

I am so not myself

Felt unmotivated

I think it's time to sleep & not waste time

Back to teaching today!

Thankfully the students were friendly
& so the lesson ended earlier than expected
Cant wait to bring them out to Sungei Buloh next weekend!

Just finished registering for my Congress in July
Pretty tiring, I must say
I have to check the information over & over again so that all are correct
& professional
Professional meaning, I have to feel proud of my school
I have to use school email address instead of Gmail
because I am a PhD student

Duh
What's wrong with gmail?
I love my gmail to bits
My email add isnt so embarassing what

Just dont understand why some people like to bother fussing about this minor status issues

Aiyah
Whatever
Now I just have to check both inboxes loh~

But I still hate my school email address
Why do they have to put my full name, spelt in full,in?
Cant it be abit more discrete?

I bet the whole wide world will know about me soon

Thanks ah

Stupid school admin
How do they expect their students to come up with a good report that qualifies them for the renewal of scholarship only 2 weeks before the due date?

I'm so pissed loh!!

Luckily I'm working on the report but that will only be 50% of what I should be handing in

I hope they can accept it with mercy
& spare me to do the rest in peace

Haiyah
Still thought of doing my report
But I didnt typed anything today!
Other than editing punctuations in the report
How lame

I wasnt concentrating actually
The preparation is getting me fuss up pretty easily
Because people whom I invite are being choosy
Must see if their friends got go or not then they choose to go

Hello?
This is not a meet up, mind you
No give face at all?

Luckily
Most of my things are done
My wedding cards order had finally completed
So just waiting to pay some time soon
Thanks Lizt for helping =)

Dad is settling the HK side
Probably heading back HK at year end
We'll see

Sigh
Since I'm off report today
Lemme just complete a few more issues with the preparation
Else I really cant put my heart down

I was onboard a Spirt of Oceanus today!

My first time to a cruise ship
Thanks to the opportunity given to me by Goldwell
They needed a model to demonstrate hair colors in this salon onboard
& I'm chosen!
Wooooooooo

I forgot to bring my camera
So I used my handphone camera
But I couldnt get the pics out coz Bluetooth not working!

Zzzzzzzzzzz

Anyway
That cruise ship is a small one
About 4 level high
The cabin was big & spacious
Each with a balcony occupied by 2 beach chairs

This ship runs around the world
Singapore is their first stop

The spa attendant - Shanon- is the one who will be doing haircut, hairstyle, waxing, manicure onboard
She flew from S. Africa for this job
Attending to passenger doing spa is one thing
The main thing is
She can travel around the worldddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd!!!!
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

So anyway
After 3 hours
My hair was done
& we left the ship
We looked across the port

GOD
STAR VIRGO WAS RIGHT IN FRONT OF US
& IT LOOKS 1000X BIGGER

....................

At a bird's eye view
Star Virgo is a gigantic 20" cake
We were microscopic ants drooling in awe

I think I'm really gonna get on the cruise one day if I have the money
Paying $300+ to get locked up in the sea isnt my type of travel
But I guess this will buy experience & probably fun

=)

If only someone can sponsor me & DarDar a cruise honeymoon?
Heehee

Lemme take a breather

Apparently I've been working on my report for the past 2 hours
But only one small summarised table was typed
Plus a few more sentences to complete a paragraph

Then I chatted with my friends via MSN
& that took another hour of socialising

Now that I'm completely focused alone at home
Without DarDar distracting me & pulling me towards the TV for more TVB dramas
The heat from outdoor is repelling me off my work desk which is situated next to the window
My room thermometer reads 32.3deg C (it was 32.2deg C just a minute ago!)
& my fan is running at its maximum speed!

Geez

Anyway
Just trying to do something productive during this unproductive moment
I'm posting one out of many wedding photos
Due to high demand of friends wanting to see them
Here you go!

I'm back on track
Struggling to complete my report due in April
I should say, mid March
2 weeks are needed to send to my supervisor for proof-reading

Sigh

It's a total nightmare to recall what I'd done 6 months ago
Thanks to my procrastination
The synaptic nerves in my brain cells are malfunctioning

But still
I'm glad I'm working on it instead of further procrastination
Or else
I'm gonna be skinned alive real bad

Out with the students at Pasir Ris Park on Sunday
Everywhere looked dried coz of the weird hot weather

Despite the unbearable heat
The students were to do their transect surveys for their assignmentsPoor them

I was sunburnt too even though I was under shade
Imagine those who are out in the sun for 5 hours

I used to be out in the field for hours too while doing my research
I know how that feels
Super hot & burnt
But kinda pleased with the tan after a while

By evening
Tide went extremely low
Kids from nowhere all ran out to draw pictures on sand

I had a pleasant Sunday
Though I was a tad lazy to move my ass to look at what the students were doing
But this gave me a chance to be back out in the society after the long mental & physical rest

Beautiful world ahead
=)