It shocked me very much
Although we can consider we are no longer friends
However
Given the past 10 years sharing our lives together
Being there whenever we need each other
These memories just couldnt leave my mind

It had been 2 years
Absolutely no contact
I was dumped off the friendship all so suddenly because of a guy
My planned activities with her were all canceled because of a guy
She lied to me when I needed some concern because of a guy
Our friendship broke because of a guy

At times
I wondered
Where is she?

She lives few roads down my area
But we never meet
I think that's a good thing too
At least both of us wont feel awkward
But I wish I can meet her
So I know how she's doing

She used to be a very sweet girl
Come from a very lovely family
But all turned upside down when her family broke
I consoled her
I gave her financial support
I accompanied her
I gave her my listening ear
& then I stopped
Because of a guy

That guy
Is also one kind
We knew
But ever since he met my friend
He also dumped me out of the friendship

& so happily ever after
They are now together

I'm just a piece of unwanted piece of junk that was being used to catalyse their relationship
I almost wanted to die

I couldnt believe such people exist
So much for my effort for the past 20 years
Living & learning about life as we grow up
& then it just crashed to know that not all are perfect
It hit me

Now
It hit me again
I got to know that my friend is pregnant
Pregnant with that guy's kid
I was shocked
I trusted the guy to take care of her coz they both dumped me to be together
So isnt it happily ever after?

What the fuck (pun intended)

The shock out of this shock is
I know my friend has been terribly sick
She is a regular to all the A&E department in all the hospitals
I sometimes worried about her health
Now adding this pregnancy
Further shock couldnt not be measured

Ectopic pregnancy
The development of a fertilized ovum outside the uterus, as in a Fallopian tube

This is life threathening

I feel happy when my colleagues are pregnant
& am interested to listen to their baby talks
But when I got to know my friend being pregnant
I dont feel likewise
Somemore
She may die from it

Abortion
She did it once
Another time
It will threathen her life again

Did I use the right word 'Friend'?
It's been 2 years with no words exchanged
Yet I feel something is missing

Call me emotional
I beg to differ
I treasure my friendship
Even with someone whom I just knew for a few minutes
We learn from one another even with a short chat

I met this American at Pulau Tioman during my dive trip
We spoke abit
& when we were in the water
I couldnt descend coz not enough weights
He helped me by giving me his
& taught me how to secure the weightbelt effectively
Then
We conversed and chatted about our dives
Amazingly
He also remembered my name
Shouted at me as I walked past him unknowningly
& wished me 'Bon voyage' as we departed the island

DarDar realised that I have a lot of acquaintances
That's true
But it's all who share the same interest
From there
We developed

We never have problem
At least we dont fight over man onboard
We only fight for fishes underwater as our frame of focus isnt capturing properly

Anyway
Back to my pregnant 'friend'

I wondered if she's still reading me
Whatever it is

Take care of yourself
PLEASE

Here
I rest my mind