Bloody hell
I worked my ass off to just earn the extra $300
& what do I get?

Frustration

Some bloody people dashed into the clinic at 1050pm
Claiming their kids are damn sick
Scare will die

My god

If wanna die, send them to A&E lah
Told them we're closing already
Still insisted to wait

In the end
I just knocked off at 1145pm!
45mins of OT

But dont think Dr Wong cares

I must suggest to have OT rates
Since they have increased consultation fees after 1030pm

Lalalala

Sigh

Yesterday
DarDar made me cry
& DarDar did not know how sad & disappointed I feel
He always shoot me back with this particular sentence
I just felt he didnt use his brains well enough to think about my thoughts and feelings deeply

I feel very inferior about myself
In terms of work
I have everything since young
Achieved myself to hold a degree
Which sorta fulfil my parent's dreams
It then plunged me deep down where I consider myself useless

Thinking back
Being able to achieve good results
Reserving myself a place in one of the Top 3 universities in Asia
What do I get?
Low expected pay
A job that I could never imagine myself doing it

I've been job hunting every now & then
& when I happen to see some other jobs that maybe DarDar can try
He told me to stop finding for him

I just feel sad

I didnt mean to purposely find a job for him
But I am happy that there're available jobs for my DarDar
and encouraged my DarDar to give a try
But yet he tarnished my hopes against it
& for the whole hour I wasnt able to find mine
It is a 1: 1000 chances if I could even see one all these while

I cried silently
and kept quiet the whole day
Until I couldnt take it at night
I said
"You get the chances you dont wanna grab. I want also dont have"

The inferior feeling just hit me hard

Demoralisation

I so wanna kill myself
For wasting my parent's resources
and wasting my time

So much so that the world's best qualification just cant match what reality gives
I admire all my friends who can work what they learnt
I admire they enjoy their work
I just admire them

For me
I donno when that will be my turn