Recently
I feel that I've been treating DarDar abit bad
& I could sense that he isnt feeling good about it too

Everytime I tease him with all the things that should be done that he did
& he'll just looked at me with a -_- face
I tickled him to make him laugh

Maybe
I'm doing it the wrong way
Probably his heart is bleeding
But the artificial laughter covers it

Recently
He's into some kinda trouble
That may cause attendance in court

He isnt doing anything coz he repeated he donno how to do it
while I didnt know how to do it sought ways to do it

View this
Our characters are totally different

Having desperately to help him
I called my friends, SMSed my friends, Msned my friends to find out how
But he was sitting beside me looking at me doing it

I felt abit pissed
coz I'm taking my effort to solve a problem that does not belong to me

I understand that even if he's not my husband-to-be
I would also do it for a simple friend
However
The fact is he is my husband-to-be
He should solve the matter himself then letting the wife-to-be worried

Not saying that he should hide all matters to least make me worry
But share it so I can provide my thinking cap
Since I always have lotsa solutions even as to how to kill an ant effectively

Saying so
Could I have been way too superior controlling him of his way of living?
Or could it just be him that couldnt be slightly changed?

I wondered
If we might end up arguing every day after the rings had been placed on our fingers
Are there gonna be more hidden problems to least make me worried but gained scoldings from me?

I love my DarDar
His love to me is protective
Maybe it's also time for me to protect his protective love

I was cut by a USED sharp needle yesterday during my clinic shift
It was small yet deep
& my blood kept flowing out like tapwater
I guess it'd cut my main tiny blood vessel

I went to wash with running water
Squeeze the blood out
& press with alcohol-swap

What the fuck

I could have contacted all sorts of blood-transmitted infectious disease
if that patient has it all
I told Dr Wong
But Dr Wong didnt offer me any blood screening

In my previous company
Whoever got a cut
Even the slightest cut which blood oozes
Blood screening is needed

So feeling a bit curious
I asked my friend
She encouraged me to go for one despite the offer
& so I did this morning

Now I shall wait for my report

Went to dig mussels just now
& brought back some for DarDar's family to eat
His cousin saw the anoxic mud spitting out
He felt disgusted & suggests everyone throw it away
I heard liao I also feel disgusted

Do you know how mussels survive?
They filter-feed
Of coz the mud is in them!
To eat them, soak them in clear water so as to release the mud
After that, can eat liao!

You think what?
Those at tze char one just pluck & cook without cleaning?

Cant stand urban people
Live the primitive way for a change!
*rolls eyes*

Went BBQ with Michelle & friends at Kranji just now
Had the mussels for the meal
His friends went to catch flower crab & prawn
& it was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo sweet & delicious!

I love the butter prawn most
It's buttery-salty but the prawn is sweet

But
Being an environmentalist always have issues regarding this
Overfishing, overharvesting & all sorts of things to profit us
I keep telling her later take out all the prawns how?

Like right now I'm helping my friend in her farm
We are to make fish food for her fishes
We had prawns, roes, fish, squid, mussles, clams, kelp all mixed to produced a 400ml of feed
Imagine we can eat the ingredients for ourselves
I told her some real-life stories of how tuna mariculture is being done
& other facts bt fisheries too

Oh well...

Hey
I forgot to mention
Just now DarDar went fishing at kranji
He caught a sea snake!
His rubbish rod can catch almost all the weird animals that can be found in the water
Now he's to another fishing sites
I wonder what he will bring home next.....

Je suis tres mal

I AM VERY SAD!

I'm being offered an internship in MEXICO
MIND YOU IT'S MEXICO!
& I cant go coz of financial problem
It's a fucking big chance where I can gain experience for 5 weeks
& it cost me USD$2.5K (~SGD$5K)

FUCK!
WHY AM I NOT BORN RICH?!

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My heart is bleeding

We cooked the marbled goby on Friday night for dinner
=x
& this is my 1st time eating this acclaimed-delicate dish

Hmmm... so so only loh
It's just a fish afterall
Just that the flesh is real tender
Not much of the 'fish' taste though

Anyway
It's only $16 instead of the normal $160
Coz we went to have it done at a Tze Char store
Heehee

Had my hair done
Dreaded for a cut desperately
Spent 4 hours to do it
& it's not completed

It's only some hair preparation for my hairshow on 1st October
Gotta do catwalks on a x inch heels
Urgh
Hope I dont fall down

Been busy these few days
Like care-free living afterall
Working in a fisheries farm is my least expected
But I gained related experience about aquarium trades

So much back to my knowledge on Fisheries & Mariculture
& there I gave some short consultation to my friend regarding their processes

Just a lil thought though
Not too much
Until I have the power to open a Environmental Consultation firm myself

HAHAHAHAHA

Well
It's not too bad to dream
At least it has always been my dream
A dream I'm chasing for

Step by step
I guess I'm working on it

Somemore I just applied for a marine research programme in Mexico
If they allow me to join them
That's even another step closer

I guess it really takes lotsa sacrifices to work towards a dream
Whenever I told DarDar about me going somewhere overseas to do my related things
He gave me that kinda look

Probably sounds abit selfish to go ahead in order to realise my own dreams
But I do not wanna die without achieving anything
I guess that's why my JC testimonial wrote me as 'strong-willed' girl

Ah!
We shall see how it goes

I was reading this magazine that says:
3 outta 5 employers complaint about having untalented employees
& it commented that if you find that your work is not supportive & unappreciated
LEAVE

I think I'd made the right choice after 1.5yrs
& i hope it's not too late

It's a hectic day at work today
All the manual work reminded me of my FYP days
But I'm not at all worried about it
Coz I've got the muscle to work on!
Hee Hee

Rushed back home to shower after the day
Smelling totally fresh & sweet due to my bath foam
The odour in the bus turned me off totally

I forgot Tekka is along the journey

All the funny curry powder smell that was smeared at whichever part of the body

*shakes head*

Met Jasinda, Ling & Ash for dinner at Beppu Ramen
It's Ling's birthday
Ate the hot ramen & chatted over the table
& then went to C.A.N cafe for another chit-chat

DarDar went fishing
& he caught a soon hock!!

KNN
It's so fucking big that he went all crazy about
& KNN
It's so fucking big that it looked so fucking UGLY!!!
& KNN
My friend Dean kept tell me it tastes fucking nice

KNN
How come big ugly fishes always taste nice?

I believe it's how evolution works
When you think that a guy is fucking fat & ugly, he's actually very kind-hearted
So....
Hmmmmm

Anyway
It's gonna be deep-fried tomorrow
Lalalalalalalala

Soon Hock at Tze Cha stall
I wonder if the chef is gonna cook it fabulous

"Hey Dar, shall we go back & take a look at Skippy?"
"Ah? No need lah.. should be fine.."

The night passed and we returned to DarDar's house in the afternoon
Feeling abit weird as there's no sound coming the the 3-storey cage

Usually when we're back
Skippy will greet us at the cage
Scratching the mesh with his paws
Wanting us to carry it out
I looked in
A black patch of 'thing' at the bottom
I slapped the cage
Nothing moved
I took a closer look

My 6th sense was right

Skippy laid dead
Its hind leg was caught between the metal bar
& it looked like his struggle to get out of the bar has failed

I shouted for DarDar who was entering the room
He was shocked
Both of us looked at the dead Skippy

DarDar tried to take Skippy out
But its leg was really stuck
We believed that's how Skippy had met this freak accident

Its body was still soft yet cold
As we stroke on its gentle fur
We were hours late

My tears rolled down
DarDar cried too

Skippy was a handsome unique chap
It came to us when it's 4 months old
It has a chipped ear that makes him look like he's a pirate
But it was only with us for less than a year
At times I told DarDar to spend some time with Skippy
But I guess it's been too late

DarDar wrapped the body
And brought it for cremation

Really sad
Looking at the flames engulfing Skippy
I see that it will probably look the same when I'd stopped breathing

Love you, Skippy
Although you're not mine
But the moments you'd given us was indeed a pleasant joyful one
You'd grown so much within this year
& I love you looking at me with your innocent look

We're sorry to have neglected you
I wish you have a better home up there
Do come back to visit us

You're deeply missed

Love,
Cyn & Kel

My car was up to lorry AGAIN yesterday
ZZZZZZZZZZ
It's causing me too much trouble that I'm starting to feel it's more of a nuisance than pleasure

But probably coz it's an old car

Bleah

Anyway
It was over
& it's DarDar's job to do all those car problems too

I just washed my hands clean whenever it dies
Hohohohohohohohohohohohhohohohoho

DarDar was crazy
He woke up early this morning
Just to order MacDonald's breakfast
-_-

My internet connection is fucking slow lately!
I cant watch my Japanese drama in peace
Urghhhhhh

Oh
I'm going to a BBQ later
=D

I am going to Donno island*!
Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I will be diving
& diving
& diving
& diving
& diving

Wooohoooooooooo

I can finally step beyond Malaysia

I am so happy
Cant wait for that week to come

So excited that I cant sleep!

=D

*FYI, Donno Island = Phuket Land.
'Pu Ji Dao' = Donno

Ok I'm lame
But at least I am still good at it at this age

The so called 'Tian Shen Wo Cai Bi You Yong' phrase is so wrong
It's starting to make me lose myself

I once read an article about this guy
Who graduated from his Major
But was not able to get a related job
Worked in another industrial field
Not as happy as he expects
Keep looking for another
Got rejected due to no experience
He sank into depression
And almost lost his mind

I think I'm beginning to be like him

I met up with my old classmate this morning
She brought me to her mariculture farm
Looks like she's enjoying her work there
Feeding fishes, breeding corals
She also mentioned another friend of ours
Who's working for in an animal concern group

I had a deep sigh in my heart

They have a job of their passion

But why not me?

I've got everything!
A driving licenses to get me round the land by wheels to get specimens and whatever
A diving licenses to get me underwater for specimens or surveys or researches
A First Aid Certification to keep people alive in case of emergency
A Bachelor degree that specifies my field when it's now a big concern about environmental impacts

I dont think I'm being ambitious
Because all I've gotten above is not what I'd expected for the future
It just came gradually as I would wanna venture into this path

Seems wrong

DarDar told me real-life stories like Bill Gates
He didnt have any IT qualification
And a school drop-out like him is so successful now

My reply to him was
"That's why I'm such a failure coz I've got my degree"

I could sense DarDar's virtual slap on my face

I'm sorry
I just cant take it anymore
And of coz I understand I cant go on thinking about all this sad facts
But I think I'd become the boy mentioned above

I am depressed

I hope a short getaway can loosen my thoughts

Please, bring me out somewhere

What the fuck?

Yesterday was so sunny & hot
That the very moment I stepped out of the car at Bottle Tree Village
I almost felt I melted
& I told myself that I'll swim 20 laps to shield the excessive float around my waist

But now?
The sky looks so grey
In fact
It drizzled

Kanasai

It seems like the weather is also 'working'
Monday to Friday pour
Saturday & Sunday shine

Nothing much happened yesterday
Just the urge to go out somewhere
So we went to Bottle Tree Village at Sembawang

Fuck la
Thought very nice
But it's just only 3 trees of such species
& a very big empty restaurant which only operates at evening

So we went to Sembawang Park
Loaded with people
Swimming, BBQ-ing, fishing

Intolerant about the heat
We headed to Causeway Point
Nothing much to shop
Had Sakae Sushi for dinner
& off to work I went

Dean & DarDar came look for me for supper after my clinic work
Headed to Farmmart
OH gosh
Ordered Lala & Sotong
Damn yummy

Now I crave for tze-cha
Must find one day eat nice food

It's 9plus in the morning
I am early
Reflex action for the past 1.5 years
Indeed a bit hard to knock habit off

BUt it's ok
I made breakfast for DarDar just now
Heehee

Guess I'm back to sleep in 10mins time =)

I wonder how
I wonder why
I wonder why everyone says I'm friendly except my stupid shitty boss

Anyway
It's so over
It's so long long time ago
So heck the company
& let it go & die

*pui*

Like I'd said
I dont believe I didnt do well
That's why I fought for my existence
But the limit to it is
Never stay too long to fight for something that will never occur
Take an alternative and start all over again

That's why I'm here

Emo Friday

Last day at work
Yet it was full of sadness
Rather than anger

Called it impulsive?
Guess not either

My department people are not aware of me leaving
Bet my Farewell email had shocked each of them

My team mates, dept people and Director gave me a farewell gift
I was caught by surprise
Yet with uproaring emotions

Nearing the end of the day
I broke down in tears

Not the regretful type
But the I'm-so-gonna-miss-you-guys tears

Sigh

If only my effort was being recognised

Anyway
It's all over

My new life starts again
Wish me luck

Alice had a pack of keropok fresh from Terrenganu
& I wanted a small portion of it
So I went to her house to collect it
at 10pm

DarDar drove me over
& then suddenly
My Honda Civic broke down

.................................

It seems that the alternater (or whatever you call it) broke down
Couldnt start at all
So I called Er ge down for assistance

Er Ge came within 10 minutes
Reversed his car to face our car so he could connect his battery to our battery via the 'kiap kiap'
Traffic was abit heavy
& it was pretty much a challenge

After testing
Er Ge confirmed that Honda Civic is dead
Need to tow

As we were talking about it
A Mitsubishi Lancer stopped behind us
DarDar & I thought 'Kaoz, which idiot also have his car spoilt?'
Then we realised it's Jack

Haha
Car broke down also got supporter

Er Ge then left since there's nothing much he could do
But thanks alot for coming for assistance

While we waited for the tow service
Dean came
Our next supporter
& we chatted till the tow came

After that
Dean drove us to NUS where he needed to fetch his workers home
& we had a short drink
We chatted alot of ghostly stories
Until my hair all stood up

It was around 230am we reached home

& today
I never go work
Fever

Dr Chow offered me 2 days MC but I could only take one
Tomorrow must rush work

Sigh
Why before I leave must do so many shits?

Entering the last week of work
& it sucks!

Alot of things to work on
& alot of things that I've been working on that I dont bear losing them

BUT

I cant take it anymore

The more I do, the blur-er I get
The more I do, the more it doesnt make sense
The more I do, the more stupid I find myself have been

The End

A colleague gave me a farewell gift
It's a handphone chain she got from Japan
With sparkling cat's eye stones

I was kinda touched

I only liased with her for several times
& she told me she felt sad that I'm going

Sigh
Everyone tells me that

Too bad you are all not my boss

Boring

It's Sunday
DarDar abandoned me behind while I was still sleeping to go fishing
AGAIN

I cant imagine when we get married
Appears to be those typical housewife alone at home

Good thing is
Other than cleaning the whole damn house
Which I will never do
I'm surfing the net

But bloody shit
I always surf net whether I'm at home or not

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzz

Sky's turning grey
Kinda anticipating the rain

When it rains
DarDar cant fish
So he'll come home
Wooohoooo

I'm evil

But who cares

One more week of work before I officially retire from 'hell'

With my new boss implementing work processes & procedures
All of us are in a clearer picture that our BIG boss is incompetent
It's all about quantity but no quality
Even if there's quality
It takes several long steps instead of immediate step for completion

My colleagues are complaining likewise
YEahhhhhhhhhhh

I'm smart
^^
Smart enough to see what's up her sleeve before I falls into her Black-widow trap

I'm craving for seafood
Wanna go Malaysia for a feast, anyone?

I dont remember what I wanted to blog about

Ermm...