ok
guess what
i think i am gettin back to blogging
i'd stopped blogging coz somehow facebook had taken over the media to rant
but apparently that doesnt work for me
because, although i'd like to rant i do not wish to have my 600 friends to read about it
somemore i dont wish others to know too much of my life

i now need to rant because i really feel bad
very very bad
i have been ranting about how my work is being held up to fellow mates
how i forsee that i am unlikely to graduate smoothly
how dark my future is
all because of someone something

but nowi think i should let their ears free
& maybe talk to myself?

i hate saying the same old things
does anyone even care about how being cheated feels?
i must strongly admit that it's nothing about my marriage, but more of career

few days ago
i was really on the verge of breaking down
kept looking at my Tibetan name that Dalai Lama gave me
kept hesitating having it inked on myself
to remind myself to lead a positive life

why i had such thoughts is coz
whenever i feel depressed
i tried to cut myself
& i did that ever

it is unhealthy
yes i know
so each time i think of cutting myself
i remind myself not to do so
but if someone can learn to be more efficient & thoughtful & care about others
i may actually feel better

maybe my life is really that bad that i just have to comply to it
i can just never get out of this shit